Words by Jesse Serwer—

So, we hear there’s one night before we all die in a cataclysmic, earth-terminating event predicated thousands of years ago by the Mayan calendar. If you’re like this dude, you’re preparing for the apocalypse in the 70-by-50-foot diesel-powered “ark” you built with your life savings. If you’re like us, you’re getting ready to party. (This is where we’ll be, for the record).